History repeated itself

People said truth always hurt. It was. What I thought was the nicest dream ever turned out to be the same nightmare I used to have. And that hurts me a lot when I had to go through the same thing again. I thought he was the one but apparently not. He was NEVER mine from the start. All the things he said were all lies. Said he loved me and he meant it. Said he missed me. Said he needed me. Said he was crazy for me. Said he won't leave me. Begged me to come back. Everything were lies. He even said that he won't be going after her, but that itself was a lie as well.

Everything that happened seems so familiar. Everything that happened feels deja vu. It's like history is repeating itself and it sucks. The only thing that I feared most in my life, I have to face it again. All the time, I asked myself why was I stupid enough to fall in love with him and left everything that I have just for him only to find out that he was just fooling around with me. Am I really that bad until I don't deserve anything at all?

Last week when I found out the whole entire truth, I felt myself falling down hard. Harder than what Ady did to me. I let go of everything that I have and came back for him and all I got was nothing. Maybe my heart was right not to trust him. Maybe my mind was right to be doubtful. Maybe my instinct was right to be insecure.

Angry as I am right now, I felt disappointed at the same time. Disappointed by the way things are. If only I know from the beginning that he never meant what he said, I wouldn't have love him at all. Now I have to pick up the pieces, stand up and be strong again. Being here on my own, alone will be even harder. But one thing I know, despite wherever I am, I am so blessed because I have friends behind me ready to catch me when I fall.

Right now, I am going to arrange my next move. I'm planning to go back and leave everything here. That's the best way I could do for now. To move on and forget about him totally. When that day comes, the truth will have to be revealed. The worms will be out of the can. The beans will be spilled. The cat will be out of the bag. Worse part is, it is going to be ugly. Daddy will definitely scold me to the max.

Now, I have to be stronger than strong. I have to fill my life with so much courage and strength. Start a new chapter in my life. Forget the lying bastard.